There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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