I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
