dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
