you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
