just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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