where does the pee come out of this thing
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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