I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
