I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
