Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
