i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
