fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
