Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
