this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
