so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
