I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
