Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
