Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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