I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
this hospital has no fireball
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
