Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
