The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
