if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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