He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
