We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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