I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize