we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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