I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
