just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
