I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize