if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
