If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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