I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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