So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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