I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
