I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize