You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
wat bout pragnant strippers??
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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