I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She bit a glass in half.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
