she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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