can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he puts the penis in happiness.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
