New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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