Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
