I didn't shave. On purpose
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
