One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
