The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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