You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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