you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
