don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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