I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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