Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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