he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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