so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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