Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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