I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
