I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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