i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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