I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize