Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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