When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
