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Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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