Did you just see the Batmobile???
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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