By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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