Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
