I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
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