So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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