Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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