she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
