I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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